I’m Sorry, Kevin Hart

I avoid stupid people. This is hard because I live in Alabama.

To set the stage, I’m listening to Kevin Hart’s audiobook The Decision. Something funny and inspiring to help you approach this negative world with its negative people in a more positive manner. In the book, Kevin offers up a 30 day, no-complaining challenge, certainly not the first of its kind, but a good exercise nonetheless. Me and the wife decided to try it using stars on the fridge. If we catch the other complaining, they have to go back to day one. I never realized I was such a whiny, little bitch.

I failed the very first day while driving. Driving is my Kryptonite during this challenge. A truck came almost to a stop in front of me to take a two inch high segue into a Subway’s parking lot. “YOU’RE IN A FUCKING TRUCK!” It was like when the doctor tests your reflexes. The idiot in the truck was the rubber mallet and my mouth was the knee. My frontal lobe was watching his cork down by the lake. My lizard brain was sitting in the clock tower, naked and reloading.

But after several restarts, I was getting the hang of this no-bitching thing. You become more self-aware. You re-word things ever so slightly. You change the tone of what you’re saying. I’m not bitching, I say to my wife in a calm voice, I’m only stating the fact that a particular driver in the red car ahead needs to take a sharp right (we’re on the side of a mountain). I’m very proud of my eleven day streak. Then I’m in Birmingham and trying to merge over a couple of lanes. It’s on 280. It’s five lanes in this spot and I only need to get over two. Although it’s hard to believe, for a few hundred feet behind me, as I begin to merge, there is only one vehicle. The lady in the car somehow manages to manipulate her speed such that neither slowing down nor speeding up allows me to get over. I miss the exit. I say things you shouldn’t say about other people’s moms. I say things you shouldn’t say if you’re a drunken sailer who’s just sit down on his own balls. If you were Yosemite Sam on HBO. You get the picture. The tiny devil sitting on my shoulder is laughing with glee. Veins are protruding from my forehead. I look at my wife. She is smiling. No star for me today. I am back to square one on our little calendar on the fridge.

I’m not a quitter. I start again. I am on day two when I walk into a mom and pop grocery store in our little redneck town. You know, the type with the plywood dais right at the front of the store where someone hands out money to the cashiers. There is a lady screaming from her dais down to a customer that’s checking out about ten feet away. “- cause there ain’t but about 10,000 actual deaths from that in the whole world -” It was a very recognizable stream of stupid, and I walked right through it. I immediately shed my cloths, but I am still drenched in it. The portion of my brain that harbors logic is screaming. It has been attacked out of the blue. She continues to yell. I try to close my ears and mind, to create a cone of silence around me as I turn down the isle. But still I car hear the lady in check out validate the lady in the dais, agging her on, the dais lady with her butt cheeks proudly swelling out on either side of the shit that’s spewing out of her mouth.

There are a total of three cashiers. Two women and one young boy. When I return to the front, the dais lady is walking past the cashiers. And for the first time, I simply can’t take it anymore. The profound ignorance. The prideful stupidity. The apparent inability to simply Google something.

I say, “Excuse me, mam. I overheard you talking about Covid. I’d like to make a bet with you.”

She looks at me and then at the twenty dollar bill I’ve pulled from my back pocket.

“If you can prove to me that there have only been around 10,000 deaths worldwide due to the pandemic, I’ll give you this $20.” I offer it out to her. “I’ll give you a week to come up with proof. You can hold the money until then. I’ll be back in a week.” I regret not having more cash. $500 would be something you have to address a little more seriously.

“Well, I don’t want to take your money,” she says, “But that’s right. And by the way, that thing you got (pointing to my mask, as she’s not wearing one) is messing with your immune system. You need all those bacteria and stuff to make your immune system strong. When I was young we used to play in the dirt and chicken poop and everything else and we’re just fine. And another thing, all you need is Zinc. Take that and you can’t get it. I take it every day and I don’t got it.” And she turns and leaves.

My head is in a fog as I check out. I grab my bag to leave, but then can’t help myself and turn around to face all three cashiers. “Any of you guys want to take the bet? Prove the crap that’s coming out of her mouth and take my $20?”

Now the young boy is perking up. That’s a twenty, after all. Three hours take home in one fell swoop. The other two are silent. He looks hesitantly at me and then them, and says slowly, “All you have to do is look it up.” This is an uncertain revelation.

So I say, “Yes! All you have to do is look it up!” I am very happy he has stumbled onto this epiphany. He starts to look it up on his phone and I remind him that to get the twenty, you have to take the bet first. He doesn’t say he will, but continues looking it up.

I turn to the lady that checked me out and say, “I don’t understand, it’s not like this stuff is hiding in a library somewhere on a microfilm. You can literally Google ‘Covid US’ and the statistics are right there on the page.”

And she says, “I can tell you about that. Just ask Alexa. That whole thing is just something to disrupt the election.”

I stare for a moment like I do when someone challenges reality itself. I say, “So the pandemic that’s affecting the entire world is happening just to disrupt an election in the US?”

“Yep.”

I walk back to my car. I tell my wife that I made the mistake of interacting with them (meaning Trumpers) for the first time in the real world. I picture aliens, some advanced life forms, coming to Earth and feeling, after first contact, the way I did then. Time to pack up and leave, they would say. The others saying, but I thought we were going to teach them how to-. No! says the alien who bore witness. We leave now!

These are real people in the real world. People who don’t seem to know you can simply Google something to find out what’s true and what’s not. People who think I’m compromising my immune system while they are standing there in front of me, maskless, compromising my immune system. People who think that somehow, somewhere, someone has orchestrated the deaths of almost 900,000 people world wide just to rig one country’s election.

I would like to apologize to Kevin Hart. I am very sorry, Kevin. I’ve lost all my stars again today.

Also, if you’ve read this and don’t know what a dais is, that’s okay. Ignorance of something is okay because you can fix that. Apparently you shouldn’t ask Alexa, though. That bitch is cray cray. But you can Google it. However, if you don’t know what a dais is and refuse to find out for yourself, that’s willful ignorance. If you’re happy remaining ignorant about things, then you’re in the same, shallow gene pool as the People of the Dais, who are both spewing and swallowing each other’s piles of shit like they’re in The Human Centipede 4: Rise of the GOP. And since I’ve already lost my stars for the day, I say to all the willfully ignorant people out there – Go fuck yourselves.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find some chicken poop to play in so I can boost my immune system.

Pete Buttigieg: Too Articulate

Considering the current state of our country, it’s amazing I can still be surprised. Trump has bathed us in the muddy waters of his bullshit for so long that I’m ashamed to say I’ve begun to rely on little bouts of Apathy to get me through the day. All I have to do is turn on the radio for more than ten minutes and viola! I’m in Bizzaro world.

I can listen to locals talk about how Muslims ain’t gone continue to move into their neighborhoods ’cause they got their guns. The host laughing along with them as if they’re both in 8th grade and telling fart jokes. I can listen to Rick and Bubba talk in Stereotype Chinese voice and make fun of Nagasaki.

The latest Bizarro event happened on February 28th, 2020 during an interview between NPR and the former mayor of Georgetown, SC, Jack Scoville. When asked what he thought of presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg, he said Pete was too articulate. The anger that began to swell inside me soon dissolved into a low grade, nauseous resignation that ignorance is not only pervasive in our mentally deteriorating country, but is indeed the new status quo as well.

NPR interview

Being articulate means you can fluently and coherently relate information. So in saying this, Scoville is saying he would feel better with someone who can’t clearly relate information. He is saying he would like the next President of the United States of America to be a stuttering, incoherent, and babbling idiot. He belongs on the Right, not the Left. The Right already has someone unintelligible in office, and he takes his job of irrational rambling and disjointed muttering quite seriously.

If you’re the least bit educated, you may not be able to wrap your head around Scoville’s statement. If you listen to Rick and Bubba, you probably understand exactly where he’s coming from. If you’re not the sharpest tool in the shed and you find yourself listening to someone much smarter than you, this usually leads to feelings of inadequacy. Compared to this person, you feel a little dumb. This leads to shame, which finds it must mutate into something else because shame cannot endure. It can turn into an irrational anger, directed at the person who has uttered things you cannot fully grasp. It can manifest as fear, as in fear of the unknown, or the things they know that you don’t. But the easiest state to achieve is doubt. A state of not trusting this person who has all this information and all the right words to go along with it. After all, they’re relating concepts that you haven’t made the time to think about yet. And besides, thinking is hard. You don’t have time for all that. You can leave that up to the morning talk show hosts who seem to have all the answers. They think kinda like you, except, and here’s the rub, they can articulate those fuzzy little thoughts you have. The ones about why people that don’t look like you shouldn’t be allowed in the country. The ones about how everybody should speak the same language you speak. And so on. You latch onto their words because that’s much easier than reflecting on things yourself. And even if you did take the time to think it over and come to some sort of shocking revelation, who would you share it with? You’ve surrounded yourself with people just like you. You’ll only get a side-eye from them. There’s no one with whom you can share epiphanies.

And this is where the propaganda machine reinforces these thoughts. They talk about the Left being elitist. That they’re people who think they’re better than you. This creates more than an intellectual bias. It creates a class distinction. The uppity, know-it-all professor types who think they’ve got it all figured out. And why would you listen to someone who thinks they’re better than you? Who talks better than you? You wouldn’t. There’s no reason to trust the stuck-up and high-and-mighty. Let’s listen to Rick and Bubba instead. They’re just a couple of God-fearin, good ole boys like me. In fact, they’re smarter than me, but not by much so it’s okay.

It’s cute when toddlers fumble over their language while trying to explain why their doggy is the best doggy ever. It’s terrifying when the leader of your country can’t stop gibbering goddamn nonsense to another world leader. Fumbling your words is funny in a college speech class, but not when your diarrhea of the mouth can adversely affect millions of Americans.

We need someone in the White House again who is articulate. If he likes stuttering so much, Jack Scoville can go jerk off to an auctioneer. I’m two years from 50 this year, but I’m going to say something that’s a little ageist. If you are under 30, for the love of God, please fucking vote this year.

Alabama Worst On Medicaid

Open Hand

 

 

Last November, my wife’s doctor thought she might have an obstruction, so she had a CT scan. Turns out her appendix was very swollen (19 cm, that’s huge). She had an appendectomy. This is with no insurance. The company I contracted with had insurance available, but it wasn’t worth purchasing. It would have paid a couple of hundred dollars for the five figure visit.

When pathology came back, they had found cancer. It didn’t look like it had spread, but the only way to make sure and get it all was to have a right hemi-colectomy. These two surgeries were performed within 2 weeks of one another. This was very hard on our family. With a two week notice, a month before Christmas and during my wife’s second surgery, my workplace ended my contract. Since we didn’t have any income at the time, and since the heathcare.gov website said we would all be eligible for Medicaid, and that Medicaid would back pay 3 months from the time you put your application in, we thought we were in good hands.

After not hearing anything for a bit, we called and found out that our kids were covered by Medicaid, but we were rejected. This was based on the fact that we made more than the monthly income limit for eligibility in Alabama. How is that, I asked. I’m pulling in a whopping $265 a week in unemployment, and that’s our only income. The lady on the phone said, I’m sorry, the limit is $194.

My brain stopped functioning for a moment. If you make minimum wage and work more than 3 days a month, you break that limit. Something wasn’t right. Sometime after our conversation, my wife and I got back on healthcare.gov and started a new application, one for just us, since our kids were covered. Our cheapest coverage available was now over $400. On $1,060 a month income.

Then I found this site, and saw why – http://kff.org/medicaid/fact-sheet/where-are-states-today-medicaid-and-chip/

Alabama, and 24 other idiot states, decided to stand on their principals and not take part in the Expansion. The results of that meaningless and selfish strategy can be seen here, where it lists each state’s limits.

http://www.medicaid.gov/AffordableCareAct/Medicaid-Moving-Forward-2014/Downloads/Medicaid-and-CHIP-Eligibility-Levels-Table_HHsize4.pdf

We can’t even point to Mississippi on this one. Usually we’re #49 on every retard list published, but we’re #50 on this one. We’re the state with the lowest, and most ridiculous, income limit for parents being eligible for Medicaid.  $221. I’m not sure why the lady on the phone said $194, but maybe it’s dropped since this publication on Sept. 30, 2013. What this means, for all intents and purposes, is that no parents supporting themselves and their kids gets Medicaid in the state of Alabama. And if you look at the next column in the table, you’ll see that for this great state, if you aren’t a parent, the limit is $0. You can’t get Medicaid period.

If you look at this table, you can see that, with a few exceptions, all the states who didn’t participate in the expansion have absurd or meaningless limits. I’m having a hard time understanding why people wouldn’t take free money from the government to help the poor.

If my family and I decide to remain poor (and you Conservatives know us poor people are poor because we want to be), then I’m thinking we need to move to another state.